Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
