He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Is it because I queefed?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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