Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize