Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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