it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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