I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
