"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
