I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
