He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
