is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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