woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
