Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
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