I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Randomize
