God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
