I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
You ruined the universe
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
