i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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