Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
