so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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