farters have to be the big spoon...
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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