I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
