I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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