I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
