apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
