Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize