Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
