she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
