whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
