You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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