i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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