i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
