genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
