If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
