He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
