how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
