i can't believe i had my finger in that
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
