the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
