i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
