its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
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