she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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