Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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