I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
