I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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