my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
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