I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
