i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
