nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
