Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
