i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
