So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
