Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
