if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
