he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
as a side note pls kill me
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize