I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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