my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
we're making bets on your personal life
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
