I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
