Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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