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while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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