did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
