Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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