Got a toothbrush?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I need moral support for this bender
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
