just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
