I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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