Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
