im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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