I'll bet she douches with gravy.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize