Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
