I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
After last night, I could never be a politician.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
