Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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