no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
We don't watch enough power rangers
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
It's shark week go big or go home
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
