Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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