Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
