Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
