Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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