Kiss
Puke
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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