The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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