Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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