so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
