Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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