I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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