You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
