i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize