thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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