Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
