He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize