I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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