Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
