i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
