I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Swine flu is the new snow day.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
