I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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