you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
