So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Randomize
