It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
