We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
