I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
