I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
