Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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