i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Randomize
