he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
