i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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