you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize