The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
this is an emotional support booty call
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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