East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
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