I didn't shave. On purpose
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
