I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
