I am in a vortex of obligation.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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