I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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