Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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