Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Randomize
