the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
