I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
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