Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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