i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Two words: blizzard sex
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
