I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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