why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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