there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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