I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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